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Joke of the Day

"robber 1: *puts ski mask on head* you grab the money while i kiss all the bankers robber 2: huh? robber 1: uh i meant kill *hides lipstick*"

"I LOVE YOU ... A man was out for a drink with his wife one night and he said, ""I love you"". The wife asked, ""Is that you or the beer talking"" He said, ""It's me........ I'm talking to the beer""!"

"Pete Carrol has kidney stone complications. It should have been removed by surgery.... (wait for it).... But he decided to try to pass it."

"When the checkout person tries to put your toilet paper in a bag, tell them it's 'for here', not 'to go'. Then ask them to hurry."

"We should all give Earth a one star rating on TripAdvisor so hostile aliens won't want to come here."

"Why does the swimming pool get laid every night? Because he makes all the ladies wet."

"I went to the zoo, which is unfortunately closing due to a lack of visitors, and all that was left to see was... the going out of business snail."

"A man walks into a bar... ""Ouch!"""

"Psychic: *rubbing temples* You want to know if your wife's trying to murder you Me: How'd you know? P: *sees knife in my back* I'm good"

"Yo mama so hairy she wears a Nike tag on her weave so now everybody calls her Hair Jordan."