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Joke of the Day

"When you call home on a holiday and get passed around, it's worse than being included on a group text."

"Around me, girls tend to lie when they're drunk... Especially on their back"

"Why is Riot Fest going to be in Toronto? They play music, not hockey."

"Can't trust anyone that refuses to admitnThey are wrong. nnSidenote: I do have a place to hide their bodies."

"I tried kombucha for the first time the other day. It made me feel very cultured."

"That artsy picture you took of your Jack Daniels really spoke to me. It said ""This persons an alcoholic but still takes decent pictures."""

"What did the mama frog say to the baby frog when they left for a party? ""You better amphi-BE-ON your best behavior."""

"A priest, a rabbi and a duck all walk into a bar... [put your best punchlines in the comments, I couldn't think of anything]"

"Your honor? My client would like to address the court and ruin everything."

"(God creating coyotes) God: Make them look like dogs. Angel: Exactly like dogs? God: But with a meth problem."