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Joke of the Day

"Your honor? My client would like to address the court and ruin everything."

"I'm not sexist. Sexism is wrong. ...and being wrong is for women!"

"I bet a zombie would be really, really disappointed to find out a ""brainstorm"" is not really a storm of brains."

"A man was caught stealing in a supermarket today... ...while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. He was charged with shoplifting on two counts."

"[Home invasion] Me: isn't there anything ELSE you want to take? Burglar: lady I told you I'm married"

"I've come to realize that if a Facebook profile picture has two people in it, It always belongs to the uglier one."

"I asked my mom if I was pretty or ugly She said both, Im pretty ugly."

"I am single by choice. Choice of 2 billion women."

"Who is the best Native American to have around when you have a cold? The Hanky chief (Yes this is all my own work, I thank you) [No I am not a dad]"

"""Whats the deal with all this airline food?"" -Sharks in Malaysia"