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Joke of the Day
"Why is Riot Fest going to be in Toronto? They play music, not hockey."
Next Joke
"If you missed the ball drop last night.... Just watch FSU in the Rose Bowl"
"Donald Trump has ridiculous hair, and he squints a lot. If I had his hair, I'd squint too."
"My sister bet me $100 I couldn't build a car out of spaghetti You should have seen her face when I drove pasta."
"Is that mine? I was walking down the street when I saw black guy with a laptop. Is that mine? I thought. It looks exactly like mine... but that can't be... Mine should be at home cleaning my shoes."
"my 10 year high school reunion is in August which means I have 2 months to lose 40 pounds and get engaged to Michael Cera"
"Dear Mom and Dad, if you can read this tweet, Congratulations!!! it's time for lesson number 10."
"[at the gym] ME: Hey, can you spot me? GUY: Sure, which machine? ME: *gestures to vending machine* Right over there"
"What is the meaning of trust? A cannibal giving you a blowjob"
"What do you call a room full of Amish prostitutes? A furry fish market."