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Joke of the Day

"I always wanted to be my own boss so now I run a nonprofit Not by choice, im just a shitty salesman."

"Just because I'm smiling doesn't necessarily mean that I like you. I might be picturing you on fire."

"The King of pop is dead... The King of Snap and Crackle have been taken into protection after police suspect cereal killer."

"If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks. Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined."

"Why do black people like basketball? Because it invovles running, shooting, and stealing."

"[1st Day after wildebeests take over] I'm safe in my house [Day 7] Thought I heard clattering [Day 21] THEY CAN OPEN DOORS WITH THEIR HOOVES"

"[black jack] DEALER: 14 ME: hit me D: 16 M: hit me D: 23 M: hit me D: M: D: M: make it look good so my wife believes I was mugged"

"How does Vladimir Putin like his Thanksgiving turkey? Nuked"

"[At Wedding] Priest: And do you take me as your lawfully wedded wife? Me: I do. WAIT A SECOND Priest: TOO LATE. YOU'RE MINE NOW, IDIOT."

"What is the richest beverage? Juice."