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Joke of the Day

"I always wanted to be my own boss so now I run a nonprofit Not by choice, im just a shitty salesman."

"Why did the Irishman only put 239 beans in his soup? Because one more would have been too farty."

"First, that jerk cut me off in traffic, then he stole my parking space, and then his stupid car got paint on my key!"

"If Dwane Johnson were to actually run for President... He could only lose to paper."

"I admit I thought cloning Wanda Sykes 10,000 times was a dumb idea, but looks like the TSA managed to hire all of them"

"How many factory farmers does it take to screw in a light bulb? None, they would rather keep you in the dark!"

"DATE: *sighs* You said you were a professional body builder. ME: I am! I make prosthetics. Ha ha! And funny jokes! Wait where are you going?"

"On your first day in the hospital kick the ass of the sickest motherfucker in there"

"What do you call a black guy at college? A miracle. Edit: I've hidden this post as I realized it was stupid and too offensive. I'm sorry, it was overly racist."

"I bought shoes from a second hand shop. They must've belonged to a junkie though because I've been tripping all day."