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Joke of the Day

"[At Wedding] Priest: And do you take me as your lawfully wedded wife? Me: I do. WAIT A SECOND Priest: TOO LATE. YOU'RE MINE NOW, IDIOT."

"What do you call a cow with no legs?? Ground Beef"

"Once I've read about the perils of alcohol, I've decided to stop. Stop reading that is!"

"Think Im Sarcastic? Watch Me Pretend To Care!"

"Coffee rules everything around me. C.R.E.A.M. Get the sugar. Java java beans, y'all."

"How do you get a polar bear in the water? First, you cut a hole in the ice, then you sprinkle some pees around the hole. When the polar bear goes to take a pee, you kick him in the ice hole!"

"I like my coffee like i like my men... not inside me."

"What did the Sadist do to the Masochist? Nothing."

"I was walking through the mall... I was walking through the mall, when I noticed this mannequin giving me a filthy look. I went over and decked the cunt and said ""Fucking poser"""

"mathematician Why do mathematicians only count up to 287? Because if they count one more it would be 2gross to continue."