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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for every time someone over 40 told me my generation sucks. Then I could afford a house in the economy they ruined."

"Teach a man to build a fire and he'll be warm for a night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for a lifetime."

"I'm really bad at measuring the correct amount of pasta when cooking, so if you and 79 of your friends want spaghetti tonight""I got extra."

"How are girlfriend like cults? You have to prove your devotion before you're welcomed into the folds."

"What do you call a flying turtle? A shellicopter."

"What Do You Call A Gay Boxer? ""Fruit Punch"". I'm sorry."

"I fractured my tailbone this morning. I guess you could say I was pretty butthurt."

"Noah build an ark ""what? why"" I'm gunna flood the earth ""just give me fish powers"" [jealous he didn't think of that] JUST DO WHAT I SAY!"

"What did Hugh Hefner say when he got to heaven? meh"

"Yoy can't write an essay overnight You can't write an essay overnight but you have to in 30 minutes for a test."