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Joke of the Day

"Just because I'm smiling doesn't necessarily mean that I like you. I might be picturing you on fire."

"I like movie reviews You always catch something new the second time"

"There's no better feeling than not giving a fuck."

"3 women went to a bar... And they wanted to know how lose they are.. * The first one slid in a hotdog * The second slid in a cucumber * And the third one went down the bar stool"

"[Blackstreet Bakery] Me: [watching the baker kneading dough] ""I love the way you work it"" Baker: ""No diggity?"" Me: ""Baguette up."""

"How do you get your partner to give you head? Put them in a guillotine."

"How does Hitler tie his shoes? (say outloud) With little knotsies."

"Turkey Me: you're a turkey GF: well, I do like being stuffed"

"If I ever murder anyone I'm going to hide the body on my second or third page of favstar where no one will ever find it"

"TIL Atheism.... ...is a non-prophet organization"