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Joke of the Day

"BREAKING: 30 people feared soothed in Yankee Candle fire."

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"Guy behind me in line at the gas station was standing close enough to reenact the pottery scene from ghost."
"What's angry, fluffy and destructive and gathers inside stringed instruments? Violint"
"Most people have 32 teeth, some have 10. It's simple meth."
"I didn't know it was Earth Day I'm usually in the dark on it..."
"My mailbox is overflowing, my spam folder and junk folder rival each other in size, and I keep procrastinating on dealing with it... But one day I'm gonna go clean all that up, you just wait and DNC."
"My friend just joined a reggae band playing the triangle, he says it's easy... All he has to do is stand at the back 'n' ting."
"There is no way to differentiate between the screams you hear from mass murder, passengers on a plane going down and 5 Tweens seeing a bug"
"Welcome to Facebook. Please choose your category: Comedian, Philosopher, Protester, or Drama Queen."
"Why did the 280-pound girl marry the 400-pound man? She wanted a big wedding."