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Joke of the Day

"Welcome to Facebook. Please choose your category: Comedian, Philosopher, Protester, or Drama Queen."

"While on vacation the desk clerk at the London hotel told me I'd only get the key to my room if I presented him with 250 pounds... ... so I introduced him to my wife."

"Did you hear the new joke with the old punch line? [removed]"

"What's a neckbeard's favorite color? M'genta"

"people said my days of misquoting famous idioms were over but I'm like a phoenix rising from molasses"

"""open up, this is the police!"" ""well, I've felt alone since my girlfriend left me, I'm sad all the time-"" ""no the door open up the door"""

"Singin' in the Rain is a beloved Oscar-winning classic, but singin' on the train will get you harsh stares and a six seater all to yourself."

"I wish someone would hold me and tell me that everything is gonna be okay and then just kinda turn into like $20,000 in cash."

"Can you taste the difference betwen creme brulee and a yeast infection? If you can't, then never piss off the hostess in your favorite French restaurant ..."

"Some people think stalking is wrong... I call those people cops"