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Joke of the Day
"I was in an AWESOME undercover band once No one was sure if we were The Police."
Next Joke
"My wife just cleaned out her purse. So, she'll be having a garage sale later this week."
"Philip Hughes joke 1 (warning: probably offensive to some) Did you hear Philip Hughes can't play a hook shot to save his life."
"I kinda want one of those priest collar thingys. If it gets me through airport security fast AND keeps kids away from me. I'm in."
"Me: *applies temporary tattoos* Mom: Unicorn tats? Me: I'm in a gang. Mom: Ha! With who, Lisa Frank? Me: You just made a powerful enemy."
"Heard they weren't celebrating Christmas at the University of Alabama... Couldn't find three wise men and a virgin."
"Today I fucked up because your girl was riding on top of me."
"A Social Justice Warrior went to the doctor about their weight problem. The doctors says to avoid trans fats. The Social Justice Warrior asks, am I allowed to use Tumblr?"
"I was in a cab today and the cab driver said, ""I love my job, I'm my own boss. Nobody tells me what to do..."" Then I said, ""Turn left."""
"(Neighbor, curious): What's wrong with little Timmy? (Mom, sad): He went to Jared."