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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger, and a Scottish farmer? Mick Jagger says 'Hey, you, get off of my cloud' The Scottish farmer says 'Hey, MacLeod, get off of my ewe'"

"She said she hates my analogies and wishes I would communicate like a normal person, but that's like telling a samurai not to use his sword"

"If I saw an elephant in the room, that's ALL I'd be talking about."

"Friends are like snowflakes. If you pee on them they disappear."

"I'm making a documentary... I'm making a controversial documentary that reveals decades of covered-up sexual misconduct in youth tennis programs across the country. It's called *15 - Love*."

"PLATO: I'm famous in the future? I bet the word platonic is used to describe philosoph-- It's for relationships where nobody's getting laid"

"My wife wanted one of those ""unique"" names for our son. So we named him Jason The 'J' sounds like 'Th'. The ""ason"" is silent. You add ""omas"" on the end."

"I pulled a hamstring and a pig fell from the ceiling and gave me a hug"

"Just learned an important lesson: When texting ""wish you were here,"" that last e kind of makes it or breaks it."

"When life gives you financial troubles... Make Financialade."