154505

Joke of the Day

"She said she hates my analogies and wishes I would communicate like a normal person, but that's like telling a samurai not to use his sword"

"We're probably accidentally giving ghosts handjobs all the time."

"Mom: Wear your jeans! There are too many mosquitoes outside. Feminist daughter: Don't teach me what not to wear. Teach the mosquitoes how not to bite."

"We can land a rover on freakin Mars but still no single-button to push for the _()_/ emoji"

"Witch l: ""How do you manage to stay in shape?"" Witch 2: ""I get a lot of hexercise."""

"Why aren't people from the Westboro Baptist Church archaeologists? Because they are *homo*phobes."

"who needs a bill of rights...? Im bill and im right!!!"

"Uh oh. My car's GPS asked me, ""Who's Siri?"""

"My skills Precision. Concentration. Patience. Fearlessness. Four skills I possess while shaving my nuts that I wish I could apply to other aspects of my life."

"[In this tweet spoons fall in love harder than anyone] ""My darling I am a spoon for you, you fill my world with frogs"" [and frogs are joy]"