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Joke of the Day
"Friends are like snowflakes. If you pee on them they disappear."
Next Joke
"Apparently certain types of ink can cause cancer I'm starting to get a bit worried, I've been smoking cigarettes wrapped in that stuff for a while now."
"What's the difference between committing seppuku and impaling yourself with a sword? They're the same thing but committing seppuku comes with a little twist."
"My 5 year old just ended a phone call with ""I gotta jump, Daddy. I'm out."" And now everyone in my house is officially cooler than me."
"How do you know an Asian has robbed your house? They're still in your driveway"
"How Did Norse Marsupials Write Their Sagas? In Kangarunes."
"Friend: [rubs my shoulder] Aw, honey, your life isn't over. It's just beginning! Me: *sobs even harder"
"A priest, a paedophile and a rapist walk into a bar... He sits down and orders a drink."
"If I were any more hungry right now, Brad and Angelina would adopt me :("
"i'm every guy who says he's taking a twitter break for mental health reasons and then returns 6 hours later"