164366

Joke of the Day

"What does a rich physicist wear? Joulery!"

"Until you've tried to start a conga line at a funeral, don't tell me about your drinking problem."

"How does Sherlock prefer his tea? Steeped in mystery!"

"how is my dick like a diamond? its the hardest substance on earth, it can't be crushed, and every girl dreams of having it."

"Why did the Vietnamese woman get a career as a prostitute? Because she likes Dongs."

"What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose? Full."

"How do you find Ronald McDonald in a room full of naked clowns? The Sesame Seeds on his buns. (According to my father this is the first joke I ever told, around 5yo.)"

"When I'm feeling inadequate, I remember that there are women who marry their prison pen pals, and then my own decisions don't seem so bad."

"Before I die I want to be chased through the back of a Chinese restaurant."

"Sat next to a baby on an airplane. Ten hour flight. I had no idea it was even possible to cry for ten hours straight. Baby was also surprised that I pulled it off."