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Joke of the Day

"Funny how people get all angry when you break something of their's that they don't ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat."

"""Speak softly and carry a big stick."" -- Teddy Roosevelt ""Yell loudly and talk about the size of your stick."" -- Donald Trump"

"""Like a glow stick, sometimes we have to break before we shine."""

"Why do tomcats fight ? Because they like raising a stink !"

"Convincing your girlfriend she's crazy is called gaslighting, and it's a dick move. Convincing her she's a robot is called bladerunning... It's a Phillip K. Dick move."

"How do eels get around the seabed? They go by octobus."

"Last night I dreamed the oceans were made of orange soda. But it was just a Fanta sea."

"Can someone please explain this joke? Q. What do you call a bald teddy? A. Fred bear I don't get it."

"*gets on 1 knee* Jenny... ""OMG"" *places hand on heart and starts crying* ""This is great!"" *gets on 2nd knee* I'm having a heart attack"

"I'll never understand why anyone would buy one of those flesh-colored Volkswagen beetle cars, it's like driving a giant testicle."