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Joke of the Day

"How to stop an unwanted DM. Hi, how are you? Me: Well, my ex has me on a wanted list because I'm a psychotic cow, how are you?"

"The day after Thanksgiving is often the biggest capitalist/materialistic shopping day every year. I'm protesting it this year, and had to think of the movement's slogan... Black Fridays Matter."

"The difference between cars and whales is that whales can swim and cars can't."

"Santa is never lonely He has many deer friends"

"I asked my Ouija board when I was going to get a girlfriend and it spelled out HAHAHAHAHA until it caught fire."

"What's the difference between Elliot Rodger and an egg? [x-post from r/4Chan] An egg gets laid before it cracks. [Source:](http://i.imgur.com/L4kXpw8.jpg)"

"For not knowing what's going on, dogs sure look embarrassed when you watch them taking a dump."

"What did the one volcano say to the other volcano? Do you lava me like I lava you. It's beautiful."

"What do you call a dictionary that smokes weed? High definition"

"The worst part about being bitten by a venomous spider... ...Is that you're probably Australian"