164197

Joke of the Day

"How to stop an unwanted DM. Hi, how are you? Me: Well, my ex has me on a wanted list because I'm a psychotic cow, how are you?"

"Why is having fun with a prostitute like bungee jumping? Because if the rubber breaks, you're dead."

"Bored? 1 Find a group photo of 4 girls. 2 Comment, ""You 3 look awesome!""3 And wait..."

"*batman voice* Alfred, my bat-wang is stuck in my bat-zipper. Bat-help."

"My girlfriend left a note on the fridge: This isn't working, I'm going to my mums house. I opened the fridge door and the light came on and the beer was cold. What the hell did she mean?"

"How did the hipster burn their lips? They ate the pizza before it was cool"

"I went to sign up for tumblr today. I was really surprised that there wasn't a box where I had to check my privilege."

"How Do You Get Stoned in Ancient Rome? Start shouting Jehovah."

"A schmooze.... ...what Sean Connery calls an afternoon nap"

"What's the difference between a surgeon and God? God knows he's not a surgeon."