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Joke of the Day

"Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building? Of course. The Empire State building can't jump."

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"What is the difference between Jedward and a vacuum cleaner? A vacuum cleaner only sucks when you turn it on."
"What do japanese men do when they have erections? Vote"
"What's The Donald's favourite keyboard shortcut? Command Alt Right."
"What's the best way to make your wife angry during sex? Call her and tell her where you are."
"My wife of 57 years said let's go upstairs and make love. I told her choose one, I can't do both."
"My son walked in on me and my wife ""wrestling"" on the bed. We call it ""wrestling"" because he can't pronounce jiu-jitsu."
"""On your 1st day, find the biggest guy, and punch him in the face to show you're in charge."" - my advice to new teachers"
"2005: We want cell phones to be so tiny 2015: We want cell phones the size of the big rib from the Flintstones intro that tips the car over"
"Doctor Doctor I'm so ugly what can I do about it? Hire yourself out for Halloween parties!"
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