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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a chick pea and a walnut? I've never had a walnut on my face."

"Why do you want to run for President? Because walking wouldn't burn enough calories."

"In the Chinese version of ""Fight Club"" the main character thought he had befriended a crazy anarchist. Turns out he was Wong the whole time."

"If you can't afford to go on vacation, you can always drink until you don't know where you are!"

"What kid blows you and gets you all wet? El Nino"

"Me: i'll have a beer Bartender: ok it's on the house buddy Me:*grabbing him by collar* then get it down, i'm not climbing up there again"

"Where is the best place to eat on a leap day? IHOP"

"Society has this weird perception that nurses are the most nurturing parents. My kids: My arm hurts when I move it!! Me: Then don't do it."

"Me: How's it look? Doc: You have 2 months to live M: WHAT?? You're my dentist! D: Then you don't need to come back for a cleaning in 6 mos"

"Your face... ...looks like it caught on fire and somebody tried to put it out with a hammer."