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Joke of the Day

"I went into a store with my kid and came out with a different one by accident. This one is a keeper. He says he does brake work. Well see."

"Did you hear about the half-assed hitman? He assinated his targets."

"I went to a Nautica outlet store They had sails on everything"

"What's the difference between you and me? You came OUT of your mom's vagina."

"ATTRACTIVE WOMAN: What time is it? ME: Haha. Yeah definitely"

"Whoever said you cannot live off of wine and cheese alone did not try hard enough."

"Why did Mike Dukakis lose the 1998 Presidential election? He TANKED his campaign!"

"How do you assemble a computer? Bit by bit."

"Me: I had to take your hamster back to the shop Son: Why [nervous because I accidentally ran him over with a lawnmower] Me: He's a racist"

"I would tell a broken pencil joke.. But there's no point."