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Joke of the Day

"Rooney and Iniesta meet at the airport of Rio ...suddenly Pirlo appears and asks ""What are you guys doing here?"" - ""Just waiting for Ronaldo"""

"Why don't people like talking about herpes? It's a sore subject."

"*daughter reading *son playing ipod *dog sleeping *house quiet *I go take a dump FISTFIGHT BREAKS OUT, DOG'S ON FIRE"

"How do you make a fireman cry? Kill his family."

"They're remaking Ocean's 11 with an all-female cast and it's gonna be called Ocean's 8 It's that damn wage gap I tell ya!"

"The Old Testament is the historical record of the first time we Jews controlled the media."

"[Arkham Asylum] GUARD 1: that guy's CRAZY *gestures to Joker's cell* JOKER: *using Bing instead of Google* GUARD 2: *whispers* holy shit"

"What did one tampon say to the other? Nothing they're both stuck up bitches."

"What are the two fastest things in the world? Second fastest: your butthole snapping shut. Fastest: That little drop of water..."

"A pedophile serial killer lures a child into a forest on a rainy night The kid says, ""I'm scared."" The pedophile responds, ""You're scared? I'm the one that has to walk out of here alone."""