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Joke of the Day
"How to make your dreams come true? Have a Stage 4 Cancer"
Next Joke
"I'm an 'adult', so why do I dance a little and look around nervously when I find a $20 bill in my jeans I didn't know was there..."
"What did Elmo take before he left the tickle factory? Two test tickles"
"My wife of 58 years said let's go upstairs and make love. I told her ""Choose one, I can't do both."""
"Being an asshole lowers people's expectations of you. (Except on Twitter, where assholes must continue to prove they are assholes)"
"Can't believe no one told me that cows can't walk down stairs. Now I'm stuck with all these attic cows."
"How do you tell the sex of an ant? Put it in a bucket of water. If it sinks you have a girl ant but if it floats you have a buoyant."
"*first day as almond milk factory worker* where the tiddies at"
"I went downtown today. I was really surprised to see that the stationary store had moved locations"
"""Did you know Jesus was a carpenter?"" -every carpenter, 100 times a day."