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Joke of the Day

"How to make your dreams come true? Have a Stage 4 Cancer"

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"I love watching the wife sleep. Not so much the husband."
"Why did the atheist cannibal stop eating Christians? Because they didn't agree with him."
"Why do mermaids wear seashells? Because B shells are too small and D shells are too big."
"I like my women like I like my onion rings. Battered."
"What did the leper say to the prostitute? I left the tip on the night stand."
"TRUMP: I'm gonna lose, huh? RYAN: Yes. [silence] TRUMP: Thank God. RYAN: I know TRUMP: I'd be SO bad at it RYAN: We literally all might die"
"I cheated on my taxidermist girlfriend. Now I'm stuffed..."
"How the does man give his dead batteries away? Free of charge, of course."
"So 3, 4, and 5 fell down a flight of stairs... Now they're a Pythagorean cripple."