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Joke of the Day

"[hitting on hot babe in bar] "".. You're 28? NO WAY! I used to be 28! This is spooky. You like oxygen? OMG you're not gonna believe this.."""

"Guys with ponytails are clearly vampires because there's no way you can actually see yourself in a mirror & still think that looks good."

"What appears over black man's head when he has an idea? A fried Chicken leg"

"He's Fat! He's Skinny! Two Brothers, TOO FUNNY! Adam Sandler AND Adam Sandler in ""Bud is Thicker than Walter!"""

"Before having a kid the most important thing to ask yourself is ""Am I ready to watch the exact same cartoon on repeat for the next 4 years?"""

"The past, present and future walk into a bar... It was tense."

"Q: Why don't blondes have elevator jobs? A: They don't know the route."

"When a movie says ""Based on a true story."" it means this is sort of what happened but with way uglier people."

"I got in a car accident with a guy with a premature ejaculation problem I swear he came out of no where"

"I don't enjoy winning against The God of Thunder... He is always a Thor loser."