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Joke of the Day

"My wife's always walking into things and getting hurt. Today it was our bedroom while I was fucking her sister."

"Where's the middle of nowhere? It's three letters in. ""H""."

"My daughter is such a happy little person she giggles in her sleep, which makes me worry that somehow she's not my biological offspring"

"A horse walks into a bar... and the bartender asks, ""hey, why the long face?"""

"Where does Joseph Kony train his soldiers? Arizona"

"18yo me (naive, unrefined): I just ate a block of cheese 42yo me (worldly, sophisticated): I just ate a wheel of cheese"

"What's the difference between peanut butter and jam? I can't peanut butter my dick into your ass."

"Why did God create man first? So he wouldn't have to be told how to do it."

"Point of etiquette: When attending a chainsaw massacre, don't spend the entire time chainsawing one person. Get out there and mangle."

"I don't understand why ISIS is such a big deal. All we have to do is parachute in Chuck Norris, and within a month they will all be dead... It can't be done faster since he fights with his bare hands."