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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the guy who didn't accomplish anything in his life? Neither did I."

"July 4th PSA: On one hand fireworks are a lot of fun. On the other hand I only have 2 fingers."

"It's called a runway. But you taxi there. In a plane. Go home English, you're drunk."

"How do you know if Buzzfeed article is stolen? You get the feeling that you've Reddit before."

"What's the difference between Texas and Russia? One's a disgusting cesspool full of paranoid, bigoted, anti-American sadists, and the other is really cold."

"What is the deadliest volcano? Mount Kill-a-man-jaro"

"Jesus Christ! I forgot to buy dog food last night and now my dogs are playing a Sarah McLachlan album and googling humane society."

"You call me a whore? All I have to say is that my legs are as open as Walmart at midnight"

"What do you call it when a midget realizes he's gay? Coming out of the cupboard."

"Why is the stick attached to the roof? Because it is sticky."