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Joke of the Day

"Wife: ""Do you think of me when you're away darling?"" Husband: ""Yes honey I always bare you in mind."""

"If you're riding a horse at full speed along side a giraffe and a lion is chasing you, what do you do? Get your drunk ass off the merry-go-round. Props to the radio station I heard this on today."

"Why is your nose in the middle of your face? because it's the scenter."

"Mathematicians have found a new, advanced strand of Ebola... called Hyper-bola I'm sorry :("

".oneliner ihave a friend who does porn; she says it.s not as hard as it looks..."

"There's an omelet in the fridge. I want it. However, I can't have it... It's eggspired."

"A wise man once said... absolutely nothing. He let her vent and then they had sex afterward."

"I was walking downtown yesterday when this poor little old lady fell down in front of me. At least I think she was poor; she only had $2.10 in her purse."

"Coworker: crazy weather we're having Me: [as loud as possible] SHARON FOR THE LAST TIME I WILL NOT KILL YOUR HUSBAND FOR A BAG OF REDVINES"

"they used to allow cell phones on airplames but the pasengers kept textimg the pilots to do loop-de-loops & barrel rols. it was too rad"