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Joke of the Day
"Why don't you hear Django's penis talk during the movie? The D is silent."
Next Joke
"Dear guys wearing skinny jeans, I... Can't.... Breathe.... Sincerely, your damn balls."
"How many irish men does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two, One to hold the light and, one to drink until the room starts spinning!"
"I accidentally kicked my cat off of the bed while adjusting my blankets. Now he's in the corner sadly humming a Sarah McLachlan song."
"I peaked too soon in high school. I'm still sending her child support."
"Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get shampoo in your mouth then it becomes a soap opera"
"Nice Fitbit bro. I didn't realize that they had a model you can wear around your ankle."
"Dog ate raw chicken so I called the vet to see what I could do He asked what I think they eat in the wild. Basically, he called me an idiot"
"A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are on a sinking ship. The pastor yells ""Save the children!"" The rabbi replies ""Pft, fuck the children!"" The priest says ""Do you think we have time?"""
"Really wanted the day off, so I texted my boss... ""What's the difference between this morning and your daughter?"" I'm not coming in this morning. (I got some time off now)"