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Joke of the Day

"I accidentally kicked my cat off of the bed while adjusting my blankets. Now he's in the corner sadly humming a Sarah McLachlan song."

"How much hummus did the anorexic girl order? A tahini bit."

"coder lolz what do you get when throw salt at a coder? a seasoned developer."

"On a first date: Her - So what do you do? Me - I am currently working on eliminating all cancers. Her - Wow, that's impressive! Me - Then I'll move onto Capricons."

"Putin goes on holiday! Vladimir Putin arrives at an airport, gets in line at customs desk. Customs officer: Occupation? Putin: No, just visiting."

"This guy told me that playing the voilin is the best way to calm you down. I bet he never tried smashing it over someone's head."

"I see you're busy. I'll come back and ruin your free time."

"Why is it so hard to pronounce words in Welsh? It is the language of Wales."

"Cahoots Husband comes home at night, goes to bed to his wife, embraces her - going to make love with her... Wife drowsily: *What are you all today - in cahoots or something?*"

"[12 doctors in a meeting] alright. which one of you idiots leaked the 1 weird tip to lose weight that doctors wont tell you. IDIOTS!"