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Joke of the Day

"wife: um, why is the zoo calling about a missing giraffe? me measuring the ceiling: no idea."

"What do you call it when a doctor gives up halfway through an abortion? A portion."

"What do you call a dead asian? A failure"

"The secret to a long life Avoid death"

"What's the similarity between being in the mob and... eating pussy? One slip of the tongue and you're in deep shit"

"If your dog & your baby are fighting, it's important to leave them to it so that a pack leader can be established."

"We're like lazy revolutionaries who act only by posting lame comments on a public forum."

"I've just read a book about stockholm syndrome. The first couple of chapters were awful, but by the end I loved it."

"Two gay guys are hanging out... Two gay guys are hanging out, and one says to the other, ""Hey, let's play hide and go seek! Loser gets fucked in the ass... I'll be behind the couch."""

"I like the lack of controversy over the Olympic men's figure skating ""No Need to Ask, We'll Tell!"" policy."