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Joke of the Day

"Apparently Pistorius wanted a new bathroom door, but his girlfriend was dead against it."

"I popped into Tesco last night to get some oxo cubes but couldn't see any on the shelf, they must be out of stock!"

"Dad Joke Dad: (Grabs his chest) Call me an ambulance Son: You are........ an ambulance Dad: Proud of you son."

"I slept like a baby last night 2 hours of sleep and a whole lot of crying"

"April is alcohol awareness month.....I think we're all aware. Cheers!"

"Not a lot of people know this, but if you dress up like a pirate and go into Red Lobster, you eat for free."

"This documentary on tree frogs is absolutely ribbiting."

"pleas tune into my next podcast where i ask what the FUCK angry birds is and viciously mock the first piece of shit caller to answer me"

"How do you piss off a female archeologist? Give her a used tampon and ask her what period it came from."

"[Shopping with teen son] *sees hot girl* *waits until she gets close* *grabs box of adult diapers* ""How are you doing on Depends bud?"""