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Joke of the Day
"Someday I wish to experience the moment of joy that seems to only exist in Old Navy commercials."
Next Joke
"no thanks La-Z-Boy. I like my furniture gender neutral"
"So a group of nerve cells are mingling for the first time. They look really nervous."
"Self-refilling glass. Just add water"
"After announcing our weight at birth, parents shouldn't stop. If they announced it at every birthday, we'd all be a lot skinnier."
"*montage of me teaching a penguin to do everything my son Brian can do* Wife: Where's Brian? Me: [studying her closely] He's... right here?"
"Too sick to walk to the drugstore. Anyone have a recipe for turning meth back into cold medicine?"
"*Cowboy stares at the horizon* ""A storm's comin"" [In the distance, Darude 'Sandstorm' can be heard faintly] *Cowboy cracks a glowstick*"
"If a blonde and a brunette were tossed off a building together, who would hit the ground first? The brunette. The blonde has to stop to ask for directions."
"What does a drama student do while stuck in Math class? she cos(plays)"