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Joke of the Day

"Well well well. If it isn't old Saint Nick trying to slide down this chimney after ignoring my texts for a year."

"So this blonde walks in to a computer store... ... and says to the employee; have you got any curtains? Employee says; um no sorry this is a computer store Blonde; duhh, I have windows."

"Why are there no guys named William serving in the army? Because they dislike the phrase ""Fire at Will"""

"The only two things I hate are Racism and The Portuguese"

"CW: Aimee, could I get your signature on this agreement? Me: *pauses* (with Cheeto stained lips) *kisses paper* CW: Me: That's my signature."

"Morning is like someone constantly whispering ""fuck you"" into your ear."

"What is Green, Slimy, and smells like Bacon? Kermit's finger."

"Why can't you ever trust an atom? Because, they make up everything..."

"Damn my stomach is making really weird noises...I'm gonna go ahead and send a donut down there to check things out."

"If I had a dollar for every time Donald Trump denied something... Then I too would have a small loan of 1 million dollars"