151880

Joke of the Day

"CW: Aimee, could I get your signature on this agreement? Me: *pauses* (with Cheeto stained lips) *kisses paper* CW: Me: That's my signature."

"People need to learn how to record their name on a voicemail system. ""You have one new voicemail from... *heavy breathing* Toooooooddddd"""

"Yo momma so fat that she has to use two IRC clients to get online."

"Q: What what can you make from baked beans and onions? A: Tear gas."

"Here's a tip for when you're feeling shit. Wear gloves"

"Why is the Flying Spaghetti Monster made of Pasta? Because ""made of bread"" was already taken by Jesus."

"Knock knock... * Who's there? * Freep * Freep Who? * No thanks!"

"[me after 1 minute of jogging] this is good, this was a good decision [me after 3 minutes of jogging] life is suffering, there is no god"

"Our culture is like a fungus. It's fucking disgusting but it grows on you."

"Browsing this sub is like mining in a cave Full of bat shit and I mostly get the same things over again, but it's worth the occasional gold I find."