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Joke of the Day

"My pup has now chewed up 4 welcome mats and I'm beginning to think she's more antisocial than I am."

"If we've gone swimming together you can be certain that at some point you've swam through my pee"

"What they told you about Mormonism is a lie Because they can't tell the truth"

"Old man first world problem I can't use a fleshlight without first using viagara"

"My new girlfriend is a sandwich artist and she's really into roll play"

"How did John Lennon play the bass on Helter Skelter...... .....He played with a plastic ruler at the end of a desk."

"Did you hear about the guy who fell into an upholstery machine? Now he's fully recovered."

"""Yeah I just really enjoy playing devil's avocado sometimes"" Teacher: devil's advocate? Me [grabbing trident and avocado costume]: no."

"Your inspirational tweets were so inspiring they inspired me to unfollow you."

"What does my dad do when he's drunk and bored? Beats me"