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Joke of the Day

"My pup has now chewed up 4 welcome mats and I'm beginning to think she's more antisocial than I am."

"What do you call a snobby criminal going down stairs? A condescending con descending"

"I would like to be an ice cream man It would be a cool job"

"What do you say when you see two fetuses making out? ""Oh get a womb"""

"I hold the U.S. indoor record for waiting in the house until my neighbors go back inside."

"How are Jimmy Carter and the Long Island Railroad the same? They both pull out of Roslyn every morning at 8:15."

"What do rappers like on their burritos? Waka Flakamole I'll show myself out"

"Where do Muslim hipsters shop for clothes? Turban Outfitters!"

"How many polacks does it take to change a light bulb? Just one dumbass."

"He goes out for a run, and doesn't even stop to sniff any crotches. Humans are weird. ~Dogs."