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Joke of the Day

"Uber driver told me he's an actor & has been nailing all of his auditions & is up for a big role I was like cool you're going the wrong way"

"[At the job interview] ""Why did you leave your last job?"" ""They took a vote."""

"What happens in vegans stays in vegans, unless they eat fiber."

"It's important when dieting to reward yourself and take a break. Then, when you return to your diet a decade later you're all set to go"

"I used to have a car that was made out of wood... The only problem was it woodn't go!"

"Did you hear about the snarky prisoner who smarted off to the guard on the elevator? He was a condescending con, descending."

"Dad, I don't wanna sleep with my little brother anymore! - I know, son, but I already told you that we don't have enough money to bury him."

"Hop on Pop is a fun children's book, Hop on Cop is illegal."

"Why do black people eat tootsie rolls with a fork? So they don't bite their fingers"

"two blondes walked into a bar You thought one of them would of seen it"