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Joke of the Day

"What do you call 2 lesbians in a canoe? Fur Traders"

"Men are great masochists After all, they spend most of the teen years beating themselves while looking for someone to do it for them"

"What do old lady vaginas smell like? Depends."

"Lazy Dad I was shopping in Tesco with my Daughter earlier & she turned around and said ""Your such a lazy bastard dad"" I was so shocked I nearly fell out the trolley!"

"(Me playing guitar) 3: Daddy what's this song called? Me: Going Nowhere. 3: I know that but what's this song called? Burned by a 3yo."

"[at a bar] me: hey girl are u a wanted criminal girl: no me: oh ok [to a group of cops] shes not here, search the other building"

"My friend asked me if I had a blast on my birthday. I told him I had such a blast, ISIS would have been proud!"

"Name That Tune My school had a ""Name that Tune"" activity for the staff, and they had sound trouble so there was silence. I shouted out ""John Cage!"" and no one laughed."

"Overheard in the nucleus... Q: Are you sure you're a proton? A: Yes, I'm positive."

"I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my Grandfather. Not screaming and flailing about, like his passengers."