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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my file systems..... FAT & 32."

"Doc- it appears that you take everything way to seriously. You need to get your shit togeth... Oh no, what are you doing! No! Stop!"

"How many Ferguson police officers does it take to change a lightbulb? None... they just shoot the room for being black."

"If IKEA and LEGO combined forces our children could make our furniture."

"*gets to front of unemployment line* yes I'd like to be unemployed"

"We were going to install Underfloor heating... But we got cold feet."

"Why is milk the fastest liquid on the planet? It's pasteurised before you can see it!"

"I can make a movie with my hand. All it takes is a FLICK of the wrist!"

"When is a pedofiles favorite part of a hockey game? Before first period"

"hello 911 ""whats your emergency"" there's someone in my home ""are you safe?"" it's a girl ""do you like her"" *starts twirling hair* I dont know"