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Joke of the Day

"hello 911 ""whats your emergency"" there's someone in my home ""are you safe?"" it's a girl ""do you like her"" *starts twirling hair* I dont know"

"Why was the teenage girl fired from her job at the casino? Because SHE JUST CAN'T DEAL"

"What's the difference between rubber balls and steel balls? Caitlyn Jenner doesn't like to steel balls before she comes"

"George Washington wasn't arrogant, but he did predict the $1 bill would contain his likeness. In that regard, he was on the money."

"A horse walks into a bar... And being a horse, and incapable of speech, he poops on the floor and walks out."

"SCARY BUT TRUE: statistics show that everyone who's ever used a cell phone will die"

"I hope I'm never behind Johnny Depp going through airport security. Watching him take off all those accessories would be sad."

"Why doesn't Santa have any kids? Because he only comes once a year and when he does, it's down a chimney."

"While working at a lab, I accidentally put a q-tip that had been exposed to pulmonary tuberculosis in my mouth I consumed consumption."

"Do you know where there are only 239 beans in and Irish bean stew? Because if there was one more, it'd be too farty."