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Joke of the Day

"My plans must be so fat they never work out."

"I totally understand how batteries feel Because I'm rarely ever included in things either."

"Why were the inventors of the airplane correct in thinking they could fly? Because they were Wright."

"*reads a note sombody put on my desk* [i heard u caught a cold! i hope it FLU away!] *drops note* what.. WAT IS THIS SOME SORT OF SICK JOKE"

"Dr: do you have kids? me: yes I have 3 kids Dr: do you drink? me: yes I have 3 kids"

"A little boy told his mom that he wants to be like Donald trump when he grows up Mom: Well pick one, you cant be both"

"Just once, I'd like to wake my girlfriend up with up with oral sex... ...but she never sleeps with her mouth open."

"I introduced my friend to my first wife. She said she was actually going to divorce me if I kept calling her that."

"What would you get if you crossed a snowman and a vampire? Frostbite !"

"Now I know it's the 100 Aniversary of the Titanic and all... But aren't the Italians going a little far with their tribute"