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Joke of the Day
"I totally understand how batteries feel Because I'm rarely ever included in things either."
Next Joke
"I rarely watch Fox news because every time I do I feel like I'm sitting in on a very unpleasant condo board meeting"
"Few people know that inventor of the car alarm Enrico Irritanti never owned an automobile. He did, however, passionately hate his neighbors."
"A veteran's son asks him ""Dad, did you get shot in the army?"" The dad replies, ""Nope! But I got shot in the leggy."""
"The early bird might get the worm... But the second mouse gets the cheese."
"My doctor told me, ""If you don't quit smoking, it doesn't really matter how poorly you eat"" and that was the best day of my life."
"I apologized to the librarian if I appeared desperate, after all... I asked her to check me out..."
"You've really gotta hand it to short people Because they usually can't reach it anyways"
"Housekeeper >I am a wonderful housekeeper. Every time I leave a man, I keep his house."
"I accidentally called it an eternity scarf instead of an infinity scarf and now I have to drink my Starbucks outside."