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Joke of the Day

"Who invented the North America? TEACHER: Sarah, go to the map and find North America. SARAH: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?CLASS: Sarah!"

"*walks in at 3am* Wife: OMG, what happened? Me: I was attacked. [front door 5hrs later] Neighbor: What happened to our inflatable Santa?"

"God is pretty creative. I mean, look at me."

"H: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower! Me: Why? Everybody pees in the shower. H: Yeah but you're not in it right now, I am."

"I had surgery today... It was touch n go at first until the doctor came in and made me stop playing grab ass with the nurses."

"Hello, police, I have a burglar trapped in my home gym. Please hurry. The longer he's in there the more powerful he'll become."

"[dinner table] gfs dad: so what do you do for a living me: human trafficking *he chokes* gf: he's a crossing guard dad"

"If I get a penny for every racist joke I make.. Black people would rob me."

"Dude turned from the ATM and tripped sending about eight 20s flying into my face. I teared up a little. I get strippers, I get it."

"Why couldn't Ray Charles read? Because he's blind you racist."