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Joke of the Day

"Dude turned from the ATM and tripped sending about eight 20s flying into my face. I teared up a little. I get strippers, I get it."

"Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him"

"you must be irish because my penis is dublin"

"""I'll have a caramel macchiato, hold the espresso & milk."" ""Miss, that's just a cup of caramel sauce."" ""You heard me."""

"Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth."

"What do you call a thick-skinned aardvark? A hardvark!"

"Judging people on Twitter is equivalent to an alcoholic showing up to an AA meeting and making fun of all the other drunks."

"""Look man, I swear to you, as god as my witness..."" [God appears from behind dumpster] ""I ain't coverin for u anymore Larry, you owe me $30"""

"What was Bruce Lee's favorite drink? Waattaaah!"

"What does a fat person, a match, and a phone have in common? Cellulite."