66209

Joke of the Day

"H: Gross! Stop peeing in the shower! Me: Why? Everybody pees in the shower. H: Yeah but you're not in it right now, I am."

"Sometimes, I think I have had enough personal embarrassment for one lifetime, but then, I'm all like, ""No."" [rises from chair] NO."

"I used to complain about crying babies on airplanes but last week I was flying, both pilots died & a crying baby landed us on a soccer field"

"[spelling bee] Your word is ""pneumonia"". ""Can you use it in a sentence?"" Of course, you can use any word in a sentence. No more hints."

"If plan A didn't work... Try Plan B. If Plan B didn't work either, congratulations, You're a parent!"

"I recently won the local innuendo competition after coming from behind."

"(Neighbor, curious): What's wrong with little Timmy? (Mom, sad): He went to Jared."

"My safe word is ""I WANT YOUR BABIES"""

"Why should you always bring charmander along when camping? Because he's the fire starter."

"According to my doctor, it'd be healthiest to stay away from trans fats. I'm really going to miss tumblr."