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Joke of the Day

"I heard England won the Super Bowl... But what would I know, I'm not a big fan of tennis anyways."

"Touch me, taste me, bite me, blow me, suck me, fcuk me, nice and slowly...but if you kiss me don't be hasty...use your tongue and make it tasty !! "

"*Stands guard with scissors and tinsel* Wait, you said ""wrap battle"", right?"

"Why did the Green Giant get a new lid? Because he always spills the beans."

"Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason."

"Why are periods called ""Aunt Flo""? Because for 3-5 days, it's a PROGRESSIVE pain in the ass."

"I decided to jerk off right in front of my blind girlfriend last night She didn't see it coming."

"What did the tectonic plate say to the other tectonic plate when he bumped into the him? Sorry, my fault."

"Who says time travel doesn't exist and we can't go back in time? America just did."

"The Mob Hey, guess who has both thumbs and owes money to mafia. *Gestures towards self with thumbs* *Puts on a serious face* No one has both thumbs and owes money to the mafia."