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Joke of the Day

"The Mob Hey, guess who has both thumbs and owes money to mafia. *Gestures towards self with thumbs* *Puts on a serious face* No one has both thumbs and owes money to the mafia."

"Cupping? Isn't that what tween girls do to fatten their lips? #olympics2016"

"What do black men hear most after sex? Back to your cell, inmate."

"I tried anal for the first time last night when I was blacked out.. I never knew I had it in me..."

"Don't ever date an Aztec woman.. They will rip your god damn heart out."

"I get so many panic attacks, that If I was a wrestler my signature move would be 'The Chest Clutch', where I get pinned as I grab my chest."

"Did you know you can tell the gender of an ant by putting it in water? If it sinks, it's a girl. If it floats, it's buoyant"

"Wouldn't it be weird if you met someone from twitter in real life and all they did is say random one-liners every few minutes?"

"The police and a hole. There is a sinkhole in the street and the police are looking into it. Oh yeah, Jerry fell in from looking to closely."

"I hope I never meet the girl of my dreams because she's a thirty foot half witch half crocodile who chases me endlessly through darkness."