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Joke of the Day

"My crush said he made his phone keys sticky thinking of me so I dumped him. I'm disgusted. What kind of loser still has keys on his phone?"

"Science joke An ion walks into a bar, ""Just you tonight, sir?"" ""No, I'm waiting on one more."""

"Beer: It's not just for breakfast anymore."

"""What would you say is your biggest flaw?"" ""i step in in people's conversations"" ""i was asking *him*"""

"[touching face upon receiving compliment] Glad you like it. But, it's not a teardrop tattoo. It's an Oxford comma."

"""I just can't wait to hear the audible gasps of amazement from everyone who enters my house."" -Me after spending 6 minutes cleaning"

"I asked my mom if I was pretty or ugly She said both, Im pretty ugly."

"Knock knock. *Knock knock!* *Who's there?* *The pilot, let me in!*"

"Used to hate red lights before text messaging was invented."

"I think I will start calling my wife ""My Customer"" since she is always right..."