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Joke of the Day

"[touching face upon receiving compliment] Glad you like it. But, it's not a teardrop tattoo. It's an Oxford comma."

"I started eating healthier recently. Instead of chicken wings alone I now drink beer with them, thus, preventing coking and prolonging life."

"How to get fucked up in bakery? Get creampied."

"Whilst reading through an ancient book at the British Library, I found a magic spell' that would supposedly make women want to have sex with me. Worked like a fucking charm."

"I went for a ride on my Vespa and nearly got hit by a Prius. That would've gone down in history as the gayest wreck EVER."

"How do you confuse a palaeontologist? Give them a used tampon and ask what period it's from."

"What's the smelliest type of pencil? A #2 pencil"

"Blonde joke Two blondes walk into a bar, the third one ducked."

"THE BREAKFAST CLUB (1985): Five white heterosexual suburban American 17-year-olds manage to find common ground."

"Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy."