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Joke of the Day

"I must have a great ass Because after leaving a conversation, I always hear someone mumble ""what an ass."""

"HEAR YE, MORTALS. AWAKEN FROM THY SLUMBER. FUCKERY DOTH PLAGUE THE LAND. TIS MINE DUTY TO- *falls off barstool*"

"My 3-year-old was counting on her fingers in the other room. She finished at 9. I am concerned on so many levels right now."

"What does a woman say after three consecutive orgasms? You mean you don't know?"

"The closest I've ever come to eating better is eating butter."

"Why can't Jesus eat M&M's? Because of the holes in his hands."

"How do you frighten a Bee? Sneak up behind it and yell BOO BEE!"

"A football supporter's favourite Christmas song? 'Yule never walk alone'"

"At my age, my biggest fantasy is to sleep through the night without having to pee every two hours."

"My girlfriend says she's leaving me because I'm obsess with football In my defence I got Kolarov,Otamendi,Thiago Silva and Dani Alves"