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Joke of the Day

"Either the kids on my street were playing with sidewalk chalk, or this is a crime scene and a bunch of stars and cats just got murdered."

"My grandpa told me that ""your generation relies too much on technology."" I responded with, ""No, your generation relies too much on technology."" Then I unplugged his life support."

"Girl, you got more legs than a bucket of chicken!"

"One day Canada will conquer the galaxy... And they'll call it the *Milky Eh*."

"When my toddlers ask where mommy is, I explain that she's gone to heaven. That way they're super-excited when she gets back from the gym."

"Trying to tell a catholic a joke Me: What do monkeys and humans have in common? Catholic: Nothing............ nothing at all."

"What's the difference between a chickpea and a garbanzo bean? I wouldn't pay $200 to have a garbanzo bean on my face."

"A punchline my Japanese girlfriend came up with: What's black, white, and red all over? A Black Santa Claus!!!"

"An orchestra one-liner I popped off my g-string while fingering a minor"

"Woman: When my husband died... ...his dying wish was to be liquidised into perfume. Friend: It's so sad that he's gone. Woman: Well he's still here in essence."