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Joke of the Day

"GOD: it's time I punished the humans again JESUS: cool. flood or plague? GOD:[watching The Apprentice] oh I've something way worse in mind.."

"How does every racist joke begin? With a look over the shoulder."

"Did you know that Santa's not allowed to go down chimneys this year? It was declared unsafe by the Elf and Safety Commission."

"Your mama's so fat... She broke the branch off the family tree"

"No matter what anyone said, I was never going to take the stand. It's 1000 pages, for Pete's sake!"

"*i put two straws in my drink* gf: awhh :) me: hell ya double barrel *i use both straws*"

"I can't wait til there's a chalk outline filter"

"I've been sneaking clay, sand and mortar into my housemate's food... When they find out they'll shit bricks."

"TIL if Steve Irwin had worn sunscreen that fateful day, he would have survived. Apparently it protects against harmful rays."

"Boy and girl in class asked the teacher a question. ""Can kids of our age have kids?"" Teacher replied "" NO Never!!"" Boy said to girl : ""See I told you not to worry!!!!"""