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Joke of the Day

"GOD: it's time I punished the humans again JESUS: cool. flood or plague? GOD:[watching The Apprentice] oh I've something way worse in mind.."

"Christopher Walken does one of the top seven Christopher Walken impressions I've ever heard."

"The Band "" The Ghost Inside "" bus was just involved in a fatal crash I guess that means there could literally be a Ghost Inside, the bus."

"Did you hear about the doctor who killed anyone over 15 stone? He was a mass murderer."

"Static methods won't get this"

"*pulling up to toll both with megaphone in hand* Booth operator: ma'am please not again Me: someBODY once tolled me"

"Someone should make a movie where something unusual appears, and the scientists want to study it and the military wants to shoot it."

"I'm so sick of being constipated... I'm completely losing my shit"

"What is it called when a duck kills another duck? Quack on quack crime."

"You've heard of ""helicopter parents"" but I had a ""boomerang father"". He was meant to come back but he never did."